Where Am I Going? The Fifth Question

Chapter One

Get in tune with what you really, really want

Sometimes it’s really hard to get through all the noise – from our family, our friends, colleagues – and most importantly, from ourselves.

There are three keys to cutting through all the noise:

  • Get through all the bullshit
  • Connect to your inner wisdom
  • Making choices from that clear space

Now, these might not seem like anything ground-breaking but I assure you that they’re essential for tapping into what you really want and knowing what you really want is absolutely imperative for discovering where you’re really going.

So, how do we do that?

Get through the bullshit

It’s often not easy to tune out those closest to us. We value their opinions. We want their approval and their validation. We want their support. And setting boundaries around this can cause fear. We’re afraid to piss someone off. We’re afraid they won’t like us anymore. That they will abandon us.

Trust me – I get it.

One of my biggest fears for much of my adult life was around feeling abandoned. Which is crazy – because I have 2 of the most supportive parents I know. But after much inner work, I discovered that I began to feel abandoned in my first marriage when my (now ex) husband would expect me and the children to fend for ourselves. And as a stay at home mom at the time, that felt next to impossible for me. With no money, no job, no childcare other than me, how was I expected to do that?

And that feeling of abandonment stayed with me for many years after we divorced until my coach and I discovered it and worked through it.

So, what steps can we take to get through the bullshit?

First, we must separate our own true thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of those closest to us. Check in with yourself – what do I really think? How do I really feel? What do I really want? It’s about getting super clear with YOUR desires. YOUR wants. YOUR needs. YOUR ideas. YOUR truth.

If you didn’t care what anyone else thought, what would you do? How would you speak? How would you show up in your life and in your business? Take out a sheet of paper or grab your journal and write it out.

Connect with your inner wisdom

We all have an inner knowing, a gut instinct, an intuition inside of us. The problem for many of us, is that we’re not taught to develop it. We are taught to ignore it and to discount it as if it doesn’t really matter and as the saying goes “use it or lose it.” But you CAN get in touch with it again.

Let me show you how…

For most of us, the simplest way to get in tune with our inner knowing is to start really paying attention to how our body reacts to something. Do you suddenly just know the answer? Do you hear a voice? Do you feel a certain way or have a sensation in a particular part of your body (like your gut)?

Most of us have multiple clues. For me, I will suddenly just know something most of the time. Other times, I will hear a word or a phrase that just feels totally true to me. Sometimes that word or phrase comes from within me – a still small voice. And sometimes that word or phrase will come to me through the outside – a song, a sentence in something I’m reading, a conversation I’ve overheard or something someone will say directly to me. And I just know it’s truth.

People often ask me how they can know if it’s their intuition or not and what I tell them is that first of all, intuition is not fearful. Yes, it can be a good warning system – but it is NOT based in fear.

The second thing I tell them is that intuition will not make you feel restricted or tight. Your body will actually relax and expand – even if it’s telling you to be mindful or cautious of a situation.

A game I like to play with my clients that helps with this (and a myriad of other things) is to get quiet.

So, for the next 10 days, I want you take at least 30 minutes per day in quiet space. This means no electronics like phones, radios, tv, tablets, computers etc. No books or magazines or other reading materials. No interruptions or other distractions of any kind.

Just YOU. Alone.

And BE with yourself. Tune in to yourself.

It may be uncomfortable at first. You may not like it. It may feel painful. That’s ok. I want you to do it anyway because this is where the healing can begin. There is magic here – if you’re willing to take the risk. Take a chance on YOU.

Watch what begins to happen. I call this the art of slowing down. And it is an amazing and simple practice that can dramatically change your world, inside and out rather quickly.

See, the truth is: you have everything you need within you. It’s all there waiting for you to accept it, to hear it. I encourage you to lean in to it and open yourself to magic and miracles.

Making choices from that clear space

Once we’ve tuned in to our true nature, our inner knowing, we can make choices from a clear space of truth and love. In this space, there is no second-guessing. There is no doubt or worry or fear about what we’ve decided.

And here’s the number one thing I want you take away from this section – EVERYTHING is a choice. YOUR choice. You can choose how to BE – WHO to be – in any situation.

Circumstances do not dictate how you show up – YOU DO.